Saigonese on the verse

So here it comes. The holiday season

2011-12-20T12:18:00.000-08:00

When my heart fell into pieces.

Love and care are not sins.

I used to think that way.

Until i got slapped onto my face.

Feel like its finally an end...

About 18 years ago

2011-04-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

I questioned myself with this weird imagination of a mother viewpoint to her daughter.

What did she say to the granddad when she decided to reside apart from her daughter at age 4?

How did she actually feel?

How brave she could be to leave a 4 year old girl alone in the morning on bed then dragged the luggage out?

How could she build up everything from scratch without a prominent piece of her blood?

Thats too heavy. I dare not to penetrate into some sort of psychological investigation. No i wont.

But hey, look at how hardships vary and create such things that surpass fairy tales.

So long

2010-12-20T18:05:00.000-08:00

I cannot stop crying when Muti "liked" my facebook spiritual status. In the morning i woke up i thought i'd be strong and awesome instead.
What can i do? Problem cannot be fixed when you were told that "I dont love you like before." Cannot ask for forgiveness or giving in a bit of effort to sort things out. Love is one thing and to be loved is the another power that lift up anything. Now that the power is gone...
I can be alone. Not that im the weakest girl you have ever known. But I always believe its unnecessary to be alone when love is created.

So weak. But gotta appear to be strong. Im not allowed to cry and shiver... Well, sometimes i guess its ok.

Mưa rả rít

2010-08-11T01:41:00.000-07:00

Mệt mỏi dù gì cũng đã lên đến đỉnh điểm rồi.

Sau mệt mỏi thì có níu kéo lại cũng không có ý nghĩa gì.

Không hợp thì mãi vẫn không hợp.

Thế thôi.

Take a sad song and make it better

2010-07-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

I went to Bugis square at 5:30 to have an appointment with Murdoc. Waited until 6:30 and no one showed up. I know i should go back but was sitting still on the fountain, contemplating why not a drop of happiness appeared on this weekends. The last Topshop blazer was gone. I have 9$ for this sunday. Not even enough for 3 proper meals. Ive been alone for 24/24x2 days and talking to myself. 15 mins ago when i tried to go across the street when its 5 seconds left til red light, my sandals got spoiled into 2. The cat I usually cuddle just bit my hands for no reason.

Is it really happening for no reason?

I dont know what to do but only can say haha and wish tomorrow can be better.

Haha.

June 1st

2010-06-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yogie once said: "Paya, you r a little girl in a big big world turning upside down."
While people wont see what's stuffed under this skin.
Grandpa once said: "Girl, keep learning, coz people keep changing"
And they will expect beyond your true self.
Sorry, i dont know how to be better.

One in a crowd

2010-05-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

In days like these...

2010-03-29T00:49:00.000-07:00

Aw, light. Where is the light?
If theres no light, I'll just immerse myself sleeping and wont wake up.

One of the earphone

2010-03-03T10:01:00.000-08:00

The left one. Its broken. Someone used it during the last 2 weeks. Regret that i didnt take the other one.

I had to leave you and go away
But I think about you everyday
And in the morning and the afternoon
I wish that I could see you soon

And when I held you I felt so fine
It was like there was nothing left on my mind
It was like Rockaway Beach in the month of June
I wish that I could see you soon

I had no plans to meet you baby
I had a million things to do baby
But you hit my heart with a harpoon
I wish that I could see you soon

The angels go "How long 'til you can see her?"
and I'm like: "The sooner the better",
"Do you really think she will wait for you?"
"Well I have no way to say and there's nothing I can do,
well I have no way to say and there's nothing I can do", go!

Now listen, now that I am across the sea
I wonder if you're gonna wait for me
or if you're gonna find a new boy to spoon
I wish that I could see you soon

and if you wait a little my pretty friend
until I come back to hold your hand
we'll be like bugs when they break through a cocoon
you know, I wish that I could see you soon

it's been a while since I felt like this
now i found someone I really miss
under the sun, under the moon
I wish that I could see you soon

Hey you, isnt it cute?

Hard to hide the fact of being weakened. Vague enough to measure but surely it exists.

Like a machine im looking forward to being busy.

Cool guys dont look at explosions

2010-02-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

Cant believe its time to leave.

Thought its just 6 months.

Today some people suddenly expressed some sentiments about me leaving.

I said its just 6 months.

Then now im too afraid of expressing some sentiments.

Feel a bit teary.

Its no fun at all doing this, dude.

School is much easier.

Aw... So teary.

Oh Paya

2010-01-26T06:18:00.000-08:00

Listen, theres no thing to panic about.

Bit by bit, deal with every single stuff.

You are not busy.

You are not lonely.

Fight with the time.

2010/02/25

2010-01-25T00:57:00.000-08:00

After class,

Feeling so sleepy

Just wanna eat udon, then go back and sleep then skip 1st period

Dont favor ones telling me not to do or stop what myself is doing

And ones who discuss my own future

Talking as if school is the best model for those who wanna survive later on

Shut the hell up.

Just another crap

2010-01-13T19:29:00.001-08:00

"Surrealistic - characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions; "a great concourse of phantasmagoric shadows"--J.C.Powys"

"Surrealism uses visual imagery from the subconscious mind to create art without the intention of logical comprehensibility."

Mark Ryden - Meat show, the first artist that inspired me ever since high school

I napped for 2 hours last night and there was the first time ever i remembered every single occasion that happened within the dream.

There was a small lake surrounded by green and white leaf-trees. I was standing on the bridge looking all over the place and found out there was a small forest that leads to a waterfall which looks like a set of giant toes, which is stunning. One man told me "Weve been there. Lets go back". Suddenly from the forest there came some flight attendants telling that "you need to pay to get in the forest". I was like wtf and then headed back. Walking on the bridge for while, i found out a counter with bunchs of coconut snack. Grabbing some, then getting out of bridge, and i was on a cruise corridor watching people having dinner 2 by 2.

Then i came back and checked my twitter, which i dont use one in real life.

Sorry its all crap.

2010-01-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

* Interviewer: “Why can’t you be alone without Yoko?”

* John Lennon: “But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There’s no reason on earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I’m not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn’t work. I don’t want to be a swinger. I’ve been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.”

??

You want me. Well, come on and break the door down. Im ready

2010-01-10T21:19:00.000-08:00

EMO
"You have the fake, trendy, bullshit emo. These are the people that force themselves to be emo, try to dramatize their life, and think wearing black and cutting your wrists is emo."

EITHER

"people who need a hug. A BIG, WARM hug.
Cheer up emo kid! :D"

Here comes the other Hardcore Emo.
The ones who twist and analyze all the drama then make it worse. Then hang themselves for not being able to dramatizing it at its best.

Nah.

2010-01-07T05:40:00.000-08:00

Taken from thelovelybones.tumblr.com

Im adopting a new ipod touch and Kiss X3 next week.
And a RayBan wayfarer soon, as soon as i got an email from my mom saying that "i think you dad needs new sunglasses." Fine im gonna squeeze out my (mom's) pocket. My uncle told me "Choose hiphop style instead of aviator one", when i asked him on Skype which one will fit dad.

This is real hyper.

One productive thing is that i have to adjust a second CV and cover letter, for a risky plan B.

The last boutique wandering day in Tokyo, i wouldnt call that influential much, but did boost up the vibe. Except for the whole stupid shop staff in OpnCeremony with their [O] mouth and an everlasting "えええええええええええええ” south after telling her that we are from Beppu Oita Kyushu. Its funny though.

I already risked myself. One more doesnt hurt.

New Year Resolution

2010-01-05T08:16:00.000-08:00

I dont have one. Because future always is at uncertainty. Why bother?

No matter how meticulous you plan, thing will appear unexpected. Then experience is formed.

We are here to overhear the word "career", "job", "socialize" and "relationship". Everything will be enacted according to a pattern that those norms set for itself. You are a junior in college and one day you wake up, you mom is complaining about how late it is, stop asking your parents for money and get ready for a job interview and the likes.

Going against the timeline and the pattern is always daring. But the fundamental thing of the universe is that its always happening at its own pace. Then what does "goal" mean?

At this point, all those resume and portfolio in my PC sounds meaningless.

Is that those application, high aim and internship research for my own sake? Or just because we are struggling too hard to keep pace of those moving creatures around? If its the case, dont let the world suck your blood dry out.

Sorry im getting crazier. Should find something to do, as they may say so.

...when you r bored and staying alone

Opening Ceremony

2010-01-04T22:21:00.000-08:00

Im just broke, literally.

We r supposed to meet at the Moa statue then i forgot that theres plenty of statues around shibuya station: dog statue, nake baby statue. Finally at Wired cafe, the first word that came out both from our mouths was that "i miss home". I had Muti and Aji got Dhani alone at home. Then i totally forgot that the ultimate destination that i gotta visit is Opening Ceremony and we just headed there after random visit at, once again, Topshop, Zara and H&M. I waited at Wired cafe for like 2 hours and spent stupid money there then completely regreted it when i entered Opening Ceremony.

The space just needs to be expanded to look truly like a boutique. Other than that it was nice. There are like 7 themes and the office theme just reminded me of Mad Men: the typewriter, the locker and stuffs. They have some sample crafted cloths just for display but it looks real cool. The main line from Opening Ceremony is the most affordable but the Alexander Wang last winter collection is just amazing. Shoot the jacket i wanted so bad is still 5man en after the sale. T by Alexander Wang r all tagged "Made in Vietnam" but i already got one from Rakuten with cheaper price. The twisted dress and studded shirt with lace did get me high. James Scott polo shirts are cool too. Aji was like "2man en? I dont care. Its cool." and tried on but too bad its small. I thought i would just spend on that polo shirt too but luckily resisted on time. My shopping mate Aji was just hardcore. The desginer Adidas jacket costs 4man en after sale and right after i muttered "Its not bad for such a jacket", he just grabbed it and tried on two different ones. I felt shame, really. Should just sell all those stuffs i got so far and spend only on one Alexander Wang piece.

Moreover there r some futuristic cool sunglasses that s even not price tagged and cool display creatures haha. Its not that insprirational but so far so good for such a good place in Japan.

No photos. I got back the camera then just hide it under tons of layers in my luggage for worse cases haha.

Oh yeah we went to Condomania for omiyage. Will try the tiny growing penis later.

Thanks Aji for lending me "God is not great" during such a long bus ride too.

Now im going to solve the bill and the Iphone mess. Should me get a new ipod touch?

Appetizer

2009-12-12T19:28:00.001-08:00

You are being blinded by the reality of something that has appeared. Disordered mind sensors events through not a single dimension. Reality becomes vague and opens not a single door according to imagined possibilities. Imagination, not illusion. Its senses that destines. Accuracy does not matter.

The subsequent vision is getting clearer. Having taken too many risks, unfortunately is not helpful. What needs to be done is just ambivalent. Sense what to face, but too haphazurd a scheme.

I havent changed yet. So scared of possibilities.

To be defranked

2009-11-30T23:20:00.000-08:00

Truth is what you desire.
Lie is what I embrace.
Admit is optional.
Pain is inevitable.

-------------------------------------------------------
I had a bad day.

Goodbye wild days

2009-11-27T10:23:00.000-08:00

Blessed, utterly.

I dont say flowery words, but now surely this is the face i want to see and cuddle every morning.

December December

2009-11-26T05:49:00.000-08:00

Oh no portfolio :(.

Next days

2009-11-17T06:16:00.000-08:00

Back in the days i was an totally unexperienced inter in such a fabulous studio yet in an artistically low standard city. Well 30 years ago we were one of the most trendy cities in Asia, but after numerous transitions, now monopolism ruined it all. When my boss told me to stay more, so that he can train me deep insight; sometimes the intention of dropping school slightly appeared.

Today talking with Aji brought me back the feeling of moving forward. I am obviously not the only one who r scared of indulging, and its better that you can share and be shared.

People around really gets into exam now, yet i dont feel guilty for being free from stress at all.

This semester i wont be in any performance, so this Fri i can feel free to watch my mates performing, a union with Ayu, Chie, Akane and just enjoy the music in one of the best club stage in Oita; and a date (should i call so???) with Nao haha.

The case of Blair Wardoft

2009-11-14T07:04:00.000-08:00

Ironically i felt the same way.

Think i expected too much or simply i misunderstood, from the beginning. "Just dont pretend that you r not looking." What if the other doesnt look back at you to see what you seek?

Simply because he/she doesnt expect anything from you.

Sorry my words r messed up.

Good night!

Grape

2009-11-08T07:25:00.001-08:00

Nihon grape is just too sweet. All the japanese tastes r very decent, modest and lacking peak.

The chorus and later on is just normal, but i esp like the initial lines:

Paris, France to Michigan
London town and through Berlin
I can't believe this place I'm in
Everywhere and back again
Porcelain and China dolls
Give me one and I've seen them all
Got my back against the wall
Wonder where I'll be tomorrow

Je t'adore, Je t'adore...

Yabai

2009-11-05T10:05:00.000-08:00

Its already proved that im such a skillful heavy crammer.

Shit i need to refine my portfolio but theres not even a single hole of free time now. I mean free time for motivation and inspiration. I cant cut off my sleep.

My colleagues, some opened a new studio, some got through the first selection for Young Lions, which I already missed. The new skethcbook roughly got its 2 first pages written and drawn shit.

Or cutting off my sleep and i perish.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I recall some lines:

Mama told me what I should know,
too much candy gonna ride your soul,
if she loves you, let her go,
'cause love only gets you down.
Take a look at the boy like me,
never stood on my own two feet,
now I'm blue, as I can be,
oh love couldn't get me down.

It cant be better. Sucking too hard on your lollipop~~

Well, try or not try, its all up to you now.

Paya Paya

2009-11-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

Hey,

Theres no such worry anymore. Just move on, though proving will always end up with in-the-last-minute-i-just-realized result. You know you have some stuffs to take care of, for long term.

Claire said, "Just dont pretend you're not looking."

Peasant? I wont be.

Its getting strangely cold today.

Moodswing

2009-10-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

Im really fed up with crowd. Getting high surrounded by friends is fun though. And I must say Rara s just too cute to resist when shes drunk while asking me to find Garr all the time.

Muti s not around tonight. Kinda miss talking to her. Im now watching some past GG episodes. Girl friendship is hard, but can be treasurable when you really care about each other. Mixed feeling when trying to find a new shared room.

And yes, I suddenly wanna go to London or Brisbane. I hope I can afford everything towards the plan. I know mom will still feed me but i should do something to relieve her.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Partly, i kinda give up the notion that ive been carrying out for too long. Time to give care and open it up for worthy people.

Brainwashed

2009-09-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

"Experience is how you followed blindly the rule and then put a sharp knife across it."

This idea came up while being intern for a reknown creative studio in Saigon. Ive been working for 3 weeks.

Should I say its time for me to hand that knife up?

Im not dumb much to say rule is principle. Rule does not destine what you should do.

Though they said my boss is wordy and all the thing hes said is just repetitive, i admire his instinct and experience. Stuffs Ive learned here are valuable. I do enjoy the job. I respect how they sorta trust me enough to assign some considerable visual works.

Hmm, thats clearly not enough for me. Im at the first stage working with rules, though i just abhor it. The mission here is that i have to imprint myself into every single work, while making the other parties satisfied at the same time.

Going back to college couldnt be any more boring.

Suddenly

2009-05-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

Ive been hanging out with the "new group" and suddenly i miss my old folks so much. If that is really how it is, i'd rather have no so called "close friend".

Well, today was pretty tiring. I had salsa, fashion show, the ass shaking indonesian dance and an eeeeehhh meeting. After back home, i napped until 1am and now am stuck with my report for 1st period tomorrow.

This world is that unsafe?

2009-03-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

Rape, murder and crime all overwhelmed the media, at least those kind of news hit on my eyes like everyday. Whats wrong the the people out there then, or its just another media trick?

It can give me a goosebump anytime i walk back home from work. I have to choose the big lighted road which takes longer to arrive. Im just worried when im really back and settled in Saigon, could it be better than the current scene, since many of the crime have been committed within the urban area. Shit damn all the newspaper. I know they just bring it up for selling more copies but who guarantees i can live happily while playing crazily back home? I just remembered there's a Vietnamese girl born in the states, who last year was raped and beaten until half death on her way to the library to return books. See, its libraly, a public construction.

Sigh.

Higher now ama'

2009-03-06T10:50:00.000-08:00

"Be careful for what you wish for, you may just get it"

- Anonymous blogger-

Im no hyper, just keeping it in mind to guide me through all these toughness. Karma is a wittily spiritual way to reach a more balanced state.

Life doesnt treat anyone horribly. Think over it as a challenge. Material is just a mean.

2009/2/24

2009-02-23T11:08:00.000-08:00

I found myself ridiculous when mom told me "Look at how skinny she is after being worried about that much stuffs." Why dont she just blame me for once?

Its 2 years ago. Shit its frigging 2 years already. Time runs like the only runner on the race.

Those tags named "goal" seems to be on the totally different level from "achievement". I felt like a miserable loser.

This blog is getting gay and emo I know.

I might be back on the road again. There used to be an uphill. After 2 steps warming up, me of all a sudden turn into this chosen flatter road and have been roaming around without any direction, which drags me away from that former hill.

Can I go back? Is there any existent space for me there?

And I have been happy since that time, really?

What a chilling night

2009-02-22T12:52:00.001-08:00

Let see... I had one kashisu(??) orange, Rhum coke, one nice added alcohol milk and 4 tequila shots and been sober. Amazing. Im glad shes happy tonight. Also Emil gave me some nice Indonesian cigarette and I liked it.

I got back the earliest and enjoyed the oh-so-old Disturbia movie with that retarded couple.

Im done this week.

[Random tutorial]

2009-02-20T07:15:00.000-08:00

Im back

2009-02-14T04:30:00.000-08:00

...Jobless and unproductive. But a way was found. A call to my mom cleared all things up.
"Can I go there mom?"
"Just go if you want to."

The couple took me to Youme town today for a lunch buffet and some window shopping. My sense of daily life survival is back. I would put these on my shopping list for next month if I get a decent job:

- Tokyo House Lovers CD
- Uniqlo new Glamour style Tshirt collection (Its just so cool and each piece costs under 2000en. Done by some renowned Japanese artist)
- karmaloop's order.
- Beef (...)
- Oita's ramen.
- Postcard for my long distance friends (like 20 of them)
- Kanawa's yakiniku (1600en course. This is the best yakiniku store in Beppu)
- Pink-ish dress for the salsa performance next Apr (Its painful. I have to buy a dress that might be worn for once a year)
- Graduation present for Pookie
- Wedding present for my aunt back in Vietnam
- More more more eyeshadow and highlighter. I want a more professional collection.

Theres no way I can fulfill the list. But at least this is most achievable goal I can doat this moment.

Happy valentine!

2009/1/10

2009-02-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

Its funny how i already get used to the Japanese order of writing date.

People asked how come i still stay happy and lauging like a moron after those events. Because you just dont know me well.

I laugh and make a joke to you doesnt mean that myself is that everything.

What should I do other than laughing than?

Im now doing all the useless stuffs that have nothing to do with my future. When i woke up at 1AM, just 1 hour ago, my Vnmese friends said that my face looks horrible.

I do want to come back to Saigon then just sleep in my old room until everything is cleared up.

Hey you

2009-02-08T08:20:00.000-08:00

I know you dont want to see the desperate and hopeless me, so i'd better hide it, should I?

Im not that strong to face this harsh and sullen reality right now. All I need is something to linger on. Pookie and Pin left me within 10 hours already, then should I just blindly launch a search for a new shoulder?

Of course myself never lets me do such thinngs. I treat every friend their different ways. Thats why Im feeling a huge void imprinted deep in mine right now...

Even if I accepted this industrialized system to destine my path, I dont think this anger will be subdued soon. I know im still naive and inexprienced, but life's now not smooth as I expected.

The only thing that keeps me to this place is all the people i met here.

Right after the fight, Ryo gave me a ride before he headed back to Osaka. A real motorbike, not a scooter. Even with the helmet, the spinky wind still stabbed on my face, but at the same time every surrounding just blurred like a fast forwared movie. Next day Rara and Pookie accompanied me to the school to find some ways to deal with that mess. After that I went to bro Xuan's house and we made craps on photoshop, had a true Vietnamese breakfast cooked by Phuong and watched half way one very lame movie. The next night we saw Pin off after yakiniku, then Shoko drove us to kankokuen to have a late meal and bitching together. Ayumi then slept over at my place and i just said goodbye to Pookie at 6pm today.

Briefly, Im trying to enjoy every tangible moment, before i make any hurtful decision later on.

Hah...Hah

2009-01-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

Got fucked up by this dumb system.

Im taking a day break anyway. fcking hell.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vietnamese week is in the hand of us the 2nd year student. I did not come to any meeting (hell no with the sempai. I ABHOR the group work, or with unknown people who attribute themselves as sempai and stuff) but then my buddies nominated my name during the very first meeting (im glad im not getting in the announcer team something haha) and all the leader or director whatever are all my good buddies thus theres no reasonfor not partcipating.

Of course I'll help with the makeup. I would like to try the more experimental stage one but the thing is i need to grow out my collection. Theres no MAC store around here oh gosh. Well i havent mentioned the financial element yet.

I do want to try the fashion show. I mean the director. Last 2 year were all cute and well organized, but the main focus was not clear towards the literal meaning of "fashion". I told anh Suân my sweetest brother and the new chief director that i want to make it the utterly eye catching one (various meanings you can refer to: crazy? funny?lame?), as made in harmony with makeup, music and stage composition, which are fields that i at least had experience in.

The point is, im suck at team work. Hah.

Let get retarded

2009-01-27T07:24:00.000-08:00

Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra - Pride of Lions

Mrs.Do is just unpredictable. Years ago, i was no more than a kid and thought mom was the weakest and the most desperately dependent woman in the world. Time's proved me wrong.

If you insist on that "Money couldnt buy happiness" is one the most cheesy saying in the world alive, Mrs.Do will sweep it away from you coz shes one of the best living illustration.

I was talking with Mrs.Do and my 5 year old little bro just 5 minutes ago. Still no flowery words or long moral lectures between us, just my 10th-grade-graduate mom's silly questions as always and my oh so noisy bro whos at his productive speaking phase. I shed my first tear for this year after she told me to go back as many times as i want, regardless of my grandma beside complaining on how awfully high the yen is.

Reserved

2009-01-24T09:33:00.001-08:00

...will be writing something tomorrow.

Refining mission

2009-01-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

"...I hate to keep bringing up the idea of "abstract inspiration" but this is a perfect example of how to be inspired by a vague concept of proportion (or color, or mix of genres or whatever) instead of being blinded by the reality of how something appears."

-The Satorialists giving a short comment on a man using his "grungy" shrunken chemise as an outer cardigan-

Homesick.

2009-01-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

...For the first time since ive been abroad. Today i was load tired from works and weird bio timetable. Last night i slept from 5am til 8am and then rushed all the way to school for the stupid Japanese presentation. After that there came the sequence of short and very tiring nap: from 1pm to 3pm, from 6pm to 7:30pm and i just woke up from the 10pm nap, which caused my mom to wait for me coz i was supposed to talk with her tonight.

Today in Saigon we had the special day for bidding farewell to the carpio God or something and it marked the first important part of our Lunar new year ritual. My dad spent not a small amount of money to send me one huge package in a shortest time for that he worried that i might spend a starving new year in Japan. Y the big bog was wrong, totally and absolutely. Getting yourself busy couldnt help bury your worries and loneliness, not mentioning that it may get worse.

Money is the root of all evils.

Its warm

2009-01-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

The big bad boy who we call bro threw me a piece of special pork pastry which is fairly hard to be sent from Hanoi to Japan. We'r both broke and he treated me like his little bro, as always. He's even about to give me a box of Vinataba but this one is way too strong oh no. Mur is on the way to send me a huge Lunar New year rice cake and we'll having a lunar new year party together probably.

We also talked shit about how to fake a bus pass since the yen is way too high due to recession something. Its always fun chilling around and joking stupidly to my Vietnamese family and usually when I and the big bro bumps into each other there should be an endless joke after and countless kicking and laughing.

Summer, kind of wonderful

2009-01-15T09:54:00.000-08:00

This happens when u'r free from work and escaping from the harsh reality. Im trying to take good care of myself and taking a bit more of solitary comfort.

And with Ovilia Ong's "A girl meets bossanova" album with cheap grey tea looking at all the pics taken, i couldnt help thinking about how much fun i had last summer. Farewell trip, close buddies, backpacks, cheap airplane ticket, Lonely Planet, endless arguments, mess caused by unmeticulous plan, random people, strangers, vendor food, smelly toilet on the local train, summer breeze melted with that charming smell of sea, coffee shop, late walking, bar with only gaijin, sweaty t-shirt, ridiculous postcards, 9 hours on bicycle, laying down in hotel with free DVDs, paradise on island, fish dipped in tomato sause, mermaid swimming, sunset, tabacco, stupid taxi drivers, mango juice, flan, an used condom left under the bed, all just flashed away by a second.

I was tanned, blondie and having that super dark milk coffee every morning in my favorite coffee shop ans surrounded by the huge vintage CD player which played "Over the rainbow" like thousands of time, and bunchs of amplies. Then I got back home and ready for lunch cooked by grandpa, who never forgets to put loads of onion and chilly oil into every single meal, even if he himself cannot eat onion. The routine was replayed for 2 months but it seems like i still havent got enough of it.

I miss that salty breeze and my tanned skin under the 37 degree heat of Saigon.

When im at ease

2009-01-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

...I dont feel like i should blog haha.

Time for a break Paya. Thing's yet to be settled but at least we worked it out.

Literally diary

2009-01-11T04:26:00.000-08:00

I went back to AP House to finish those くだらない survey for Japanese class. My group is made up of 3 Chinese and me. Everyone close enough to me all knows that ive been holding a huge racist thought upon Chinese. Anyway, i visited AP house quite often but felt a bit lazy to go see my Japanese friends though we have relatively good relationship during the time i was in RII2. Some already finished moving out so i did not have a chance to talk to them. But i and Marika had good chat about everything and came up with the idea that the girls should have a nomikai together soon, just like what we did in her room almost every weekends. After that i came to visit Mika my old RA and she greeted me with her bursting into tears, right when i entered the room. She cried hard on my shoulder and told me that her bf cheated her since like October. I tried to make some stupid jokes and thanks God she laughed a bit, but still kept mumbling "男やだあ。" I asked her for nomikai and left her room feeling a bit ashamed for myself, for that the purpose of visiting my old floor just is that i just wanted to finish that damn anketo (who thought its the "survey" in English oh God???). After that Kensuke and his friends helped me out and even gave me the contact of the people i may need for the casting and i got back home at 8PM. Thats all for today. Now im cooking the sweet lotus seed soup. I do feel calmed and comfy now. Whatever it will be.

Two of my considerable close friend got problem and the way they two have solved it are completely different. One is responsible and thoughtful while another's not at all. I wont interfere anyway, but im always to listen. I just felt sorry for the first one that she came back in hope of settling thing down but things never go our way. 男やだあ！

Btw, Yogie and Pin were making fun of me last night and the joke was a bit too much this time. I did get irritated.

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So far i got 2 covers of Bee Gees' Love you inside out by Feist and Olivia Ong. Like both of it.

Saver

2009-01-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

My Ipod is frozen and no one could ever feel how terrible and desperate I am without a portable music player, for that im outside most of the time (well almost every student is) and music is like, part of my life. Im not a musician though, and dont have any related future plan.

I dont follow any hi-tech trend but its just because ive been sticking with it since 2005, the first version of Ipod Nano. Well im pretty faithful aint I? The LCD screen is already broken, unvisible and looks just like a unmended mirror. I dont wanna say RIP to it though. 4 years is not a short time.

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Hey Paya dont you think you shouldnt fantasize about something that much? I laughed at myself whenever i thought of it again. But the fact is that Im frozened too, for a considerable long time. Thus the machine's not working well and normally anymore i guess.

Its so funnyyyyyyyy.

09/01/07

2009-01-07T08:03:00.000-08:00

No one cares. Where should I go then?

Alive temporarily

2009-01-06T10:34:00.000-08:00

Its hard. But i promised that i wont complain anymore.

Move bit by bit, but long for a change.

Ironically, after receiving love (which flowerily symbolized all those instant food enough to help me survive until March, a nearly oversized pair of boot for that mom thought that my feet size is similar to that of my dad, wrinkly sweaters, weird and way too tight jeans an a complete The Simpsons season 1-18 DVD), I decided not come home until next year's spring break, which is supposed to be at the same time with our Lunar New Year, as a punishment.

How could people wasted so much time in their life trying in vain to gain something extremely valuable, and then in the end realize that family is all they need?

Awww....

2008-12-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

This is so bad.

I woke up and felt retarded, useless, mentally abused, severely hurt and sighed like a zillion times.

What do we have?

2008-12-07T05:28:00.001-08:00

...Tonight. So shut up, and dance with me.

(Thats the gay Masa. Not my bf)

On stage tomorrow at 6:30

2008-12-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

It would be hilarious if any related APU folk is reading my site. I will be stripping or doing harakiri or whatever on stage tomorrow. Come see and dont make nasty comment.

The thing that distinguishes me from most of the people Ive met is that I know what ive done and will be doing (this has nothing to do with the one above btw. I just lost my sense of order). Im not flattering myself in vain, just that Im glad that all the phases that Ive through so far trained me into this person writing crap on screen now.

Christmas is coming but that spirit has raised for some commercial purpose. This year gotta be fresh and nasty yeah yeah yeah, and Im not going to mention about something now, until it will actually happen on christmas then i will reveal it all here.

Our house is playing Christmas songs now and there was some weird song named "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" and it did sound creepy and there comes Muti laughing like hell next to me.

Re: Bitchhhhh!!!!!

2008-11-29T06:11:00.000-08:00

My Vietnamese Princess,

Paya it is so good to hear from you. I apologize for not writing to you sooner: LAME!!! But I do talk about you all the time: in fact, my friends always want to hear more stories about that Vietnamese girl "Papaya" or whatever.Life here is moving along just fine: I have gotten back in the swing of things, adjusting to American life, and trying to balance friends and school. My friends make fun of me for being the Asian authority around here: anytime there is a Chinese character or a type of Vietnamese dish or Japanese trend they run to me and ask me about it, as if I know everything about Asia. But I do wear my Thai-pants everyday.

It would be unnecessary to say that I miss you; you know that I do. I look at our Facebook pictures from time to time, and think of the fun that we had. I hope this semester is turning out to be better for you than last semester. Have you trapped Terry yet? Do you keep him under your bed? What is it like living off of campus? How are things with your family? Have you poked anybody's eye out recently?

As funny as it is to say, from time to time I miss Beppu, APU...but not a day passes when I am not reminded of someone from our school, of something you said or did.I so thankful for the time that we got spend together, but am looking forword to the next time when I will see you, my Frog Queen.I hope to write you more often, but if not, remember that I think about you all the time.

Much love

No word can ever explain. I miss you, and everyone.

Friday night

2008-11-28T09:28:00.000-08:00

That Aussie called me on facebook and said he missed me something. I was like wtf when he asked me to come to Thai with him. Apparently he got drunk. I didnt mean anything though, just was a bit confused. Aus is a place that has so so so many stuffs to do with me.

Im still in the phase of vice though. Dont want to escape utterly. Come back to me, my morons. Let act like we'r leading a luxurious life like we used to do.

Im still being relentless, no matter how ridiculous the people here could be.

Suis l'amour, l'amour fuit. Fuis l'amour, l'amour suit.

2008-11-27T07:15:00.000-08:00

My effin god i couldnt believe i havent watched a single The simpsons epi for such a long time. Blame goes to those crap%$#%$#Japanese quizzes goddamn.

I do enjoy today, though im no more young to daydream and no more elastic to catch absurd stuffs.
Goodies yay!

I gotta watch The simpsons with Pin though. American joke is our senmon :P.

Blondie and happy

2008-11-24T07:33:00.000-08:00

I left my 4$ fish sause in Yogie's room. Goddamn a month without fish sause ._.

Whatever you've done, dont regret cause it's your choice at the very beginning. Da kara, just move on.

Theres a reason for a little bit of nostagia above. By this time of last year, we were freezing in Shikoku and climbing for 7 hours on bicycle. Thanks to someone's idea. But it does bring me tears.

Cramming

2008-11-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

Hell yeah cheers to the classic.

Hey you

2008-11-17T06:09:00.000-08:00

"We all must remember, after all, that one of our goals in the search for romance is to find someone who needs us. Imagine how you would feel if your lover one day told you,

"I love you, but I don't need you. I admire you, but I can live without you."
The only way to find love is to embrace that sense of mutual need. If you truly want to fall in love — to build an open, emotionally fulfilling relationship with another — you must let go of the posture of independence. No one can find love by pretending to be entirely satisfied with the single life. You can convey that you're happy; there's nothing wrong with that. Just don't pretend you're not looking."

I stand still.

Time is like a powerful devil.

Friendship and love, it seems like I manipulate all but for once second, i feel like I own nothing.

I stand still, am being clumsy and tortured by those feelings of a left behind child.

Old good stuff

2008-11-14T08:59:00.001-08:00

My sexy beast,

You know who it is. First I want you to explain for me briefly about your mail address' name. I thought it was heroine at first.

I know it might take forever for you to write back, but I dont care ._.

How is life now? I saw you outfit for Halloween already, on facebook. It was "OH MY GAWT". Did you get raped by anyone on Halloween?

School is still bad. Advanced Japanese is all crap. Mantello's class is decent. I dont have camera. I threw away my pride. Then I asked all the Indonesian, in vain. Finally I got one for 2 days. Now im broke.

Im moving in with Muti. We'r quite different, somehow. I think way too much and she doesnt think at all. However, we've worked it out and everything's quite ok now. I dont really hang out with anyone now. Jusst being nice enough to maintain sociality. Next week I will have a nabe night with Masa, Akane, Chie and others.

All above is my totall unorganized email, from me, to you. You'd read it or not, i dont care. Im pretty indifferent now, I dont know why.

But missing you a lot.

PS: You would not believe me, Khya. You should come back and see how you've trained Akitchi into such this person. He's become the next Masa now, aka hakujin killer. Well, another news, maybe not new but worth reminding you, is that akane asked Akitchi "R U gay?" via keitai and then just guess what the answer's.

Hold your pants tight.

Paya

Night out

2008-11-01T12:12:00.000-07:00

It was a social night out. Back to the old me, with a slice of nostalgic feeling.

Anyway, i should stop being that gay. The party was hot and damn fun. Guys were all around but all I did was just slight flirting and chatting. Akane and Mel got drunk and down badly so we almost left Freedom after 2. They changed the music around that time and I didnt feel like dancing anymore. Actually half of the party people went out and sat in the park. I lost my real appetite already, which happened right after my buddies all left; but last night was decent. I was sober, most of the time. Thanks God.

I just left Sports Bar on a weirdly random night. Im glad i know how to keep it fun.

Look how time flies

2008-10-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

I never felt comfy with my life so far, as I want to lead a short yet fun life and thus did things which always makes me regret after all.
Thing is, Im confused right now, a bit about everything that forms my life.

Well, its been a long time since I wrote down something that honestly.
Everything is gay and vague, then I realize that there's no one really close to me, in term of distance and mutuality that I can talk without being afraid of anything. College friends are all nice, but its more like to maintain sociality.

Probably I dont want to, but if this feeling still annoys me constantly, I would settle my life, for once and lastly.